Divorce is heartbreaking to me.  Its effects run deep, impacting not only the here and now, but setting into motion a life-altering chain of events which can negatively impact families for generations. 

   As humans we are so quick to justify our feelings, rationalize our decisions, and excuse away any negative consequences, accepting them as inevitable or even normal, all as a way of anesthetizing ourselves to the pain our choices bring to us and others.

   I realize there are circumstances which may necessitate divorce.  There are times when the cycle of abuse or infidelity can only be broken through separation.  But with that said, marriage does take work and to have a healthy marriage requires each party giving 100 percent to the other. 

   Statistics show that even in today’s church divorce is just as common place as in the secular world, but why is this?  Why is it that people of faith can be just as prone to walk away from the marriage covenant they made before God and man?  How is it that people of hope can so quickly give up on the spouse to whom they pledged their life?  And why is it that as parents we can so easily lose sight of the impact of these decisions on our children?

   My daughters recently received a couple Jason Mraz CD’s.  If you’re not familiar with Jason, he is a very talented songwriter and, though not known as a Christian artist, certainly has a couple songs I believe hold within them amazing scriptural truths.  One “I Won’t Give Up,” is a beautiful song of commitment and the other, “Love For A Child,” speaks of the sad consequences of divorce on children.  I have pasted the lyrics below and though some might find the lyrics to the latter offensive, I would suggest any offense lie, not in the lyrics, but in the subject matter the lyrics so soberly convey.

   As we enter the time of year when we think about resolutions, I pray your resolve would be to take Jason’s advice and not “give up” on your marriage and through your relationship with your spouse model God’s unconditional love to all you meet.

I Won’t Give Up

When I look into your eyes / It's like watching the night sky / Or a beautiful sunrise / There's so much they hold / And just like them old stars / I see that you've come so far / To be right where you are / How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us / Even if the skies get rough / I'm giving you all my love / I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space / To do some navigating / I'll be here patiently waiting / To see what you find / 'Cause even the stars they burn / Some even fall to the earth / We've got a lot to learn / God knows we're worth it / No: I won't give up / I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily / I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make / Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use / The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake / And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn / We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us / Even if the skies get rough / I'm giving you all my love / I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up) / God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved) / We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved) / God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us / Even if the skies get rough / I'm giving you all my love / I'm still looking up

“Love For A Child”

There's a picture on my kitchen wall / Looks like Jesus and his friends involved / There's a party getting started in the yard / There's a couple getting steamy in the car parked in the drive / Was I too young to see this with my eyes?

By the pool last night, apparently / The chemicals weren't mixed properly / You hit your head and then forgot your name / And then you woke up at the bottom by the drain / And now your altitude and memory's a shame

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up / With a little bit more of innocence / I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young / It's okay to be easily ignored / I like to believe it was all about love for a child

And when the house was left in shambles / Who was there to handle all the broken bits of glass / Was it mom who put my dad out on his ass or the other way around / Well I'm far too old to care about that now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up / With a little bit more of innocence / I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young / It's okay to be easily ignored / I'd like to believe it was all about love for a child

It's kinda nice to work the floor since the divorce / I've been enjoying both my Christmases and my birthday cakes / And taking drugs and making love at far too young an age / And they never check to see my grades / What a fool I'd be to start complaining now

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up / With a little bit more of innocence / I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young / It's okay to be easily ignored / I'd love to believe it's all about love for a child / It was all about love...

Talking with a friend this week about the fallout associated with poor decisions, I came to this realization: saving for or borrowing against our future, does not just have to do with our finances.

My friend is going through a particularly painful time in his life, which without going into detail, is the culmination of years of poor decisions and less than adequate communication. As we talked, I began to think about all the various applications of this reality: if we ignore our health and avoid any sort of exercise while eating whatever we want, we are borrowing against our future health; if we pursue leisure and comfort we not only blind ourselves to the joy and necessity of work--whether vocational or domestic--but we so skew our perception of life that we grow numb or blind to the true needs of those around us; if our efforts are to “keep up with the Jones’” by filling our homes with the latest in technology or fashion, we distort our self-perception and devalue our true self worth; if the pleasures and sensuality of the moment are a bigger priority to us than our spouse--whether we are currently married or not--we are in essence filing a lien against our marriage, thereby limiting the level of trust and intimacy we are able to experience until the matter is properly resolved; or if we allow attitudes, such as pride or anger, to have complete reign over our us, we become increasingly isolated until we find ourselves completely alone living in a form of self-imposed exile.

Much like the fiscal cliff we hear about constantly in the news these days, we either invest for or borrow against the future.  While delaying gratification denies us the satisfaction of the moment, it affords us, not only future joy, but lasting peace.

In life, the good times are often measured by momentary happiness.  It’s natural to pursue those things which make us happy, the new sports car, the house in an upscale neighborhood, the European vacation; fill in the blank.  But happiness often comes with conditions; a price tag, the specific action or participation of others, or seemingly dumb luck when all the planets line up and for a fleeting moment everything is as it should be.

Unlike happiness, Joy is not dependant on the external; rather it is found in the peace which flows out of our love for God and others.  Sometimes joy is an exercise of self discipline, choosing an attitude of contentment which is not rooted in our immediate circumstance.  But often Joy is the byproduct of simple obedience. 

It’s sometimes easy to envy those we respect or appreciate, without considering the talent, achievement or circumstance we admire took years of hard work, dedication and faithful obedience culminating in the success we hold in such high regard.

I am reminded of the story of the captives in Babylon found in Daniel Chapter 1 of the Bible.  In this story we are introduced to Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, four of the young Hebrew men, who were taken to Babylon to serve King Nebuchadnezzar.  We’re told in verses three and four this group of young men: include[ed] some of the royal family and of the nobles,youths in whom was no defect, who were good-looking, showing intelligence in every branch of wisdom, endowed with understanding and discerning knowledge, and who had ability for serving in the king’s court; Daniel goes on to tell us in the very next text that the chief of the officials was: to teach them the literature and language of the Chaldeans.The king appointed for them a daily ration from the king’s choice food and from the wine which he drank, and appointed that they should be educated three years, at the end of which they were to enter the king’s personal service.                                                                                                                                   But Daniel,concerned he would defile himself with the king’s choice food or with the wine he drank, sought permission from the commander of the officials to eat only vegetables and drink only water.  Only after requesting the official test them after ten days and compare the four to the other captives, the official agreed.  This was no small concession, for being found in disobedience of the kings orders was a capital offense.  However after ten days had passed Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah seemed better and they were fatter than all the youths who had been eating the king’s choice food.So the overseer continued to withhold their choice food and the wine they were to drink, and kept giving them vegetables. (v.15-16)                                

It is often difficult to deny ourselves the delicacies of our culture. Exchanging nice restaurants, regular shopping sprees, the latest gadgets, late model cars and beautiful houses to live on a budget is not considered “normal”, but in the long run our willingness to eat the vegetables and drink the water of obedience will not only make us healthier, but also provide for us a lasting joy the aforementioned “delicacies” can never deliver.

Just as with Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah, obedience begets blessings. At the end of the required training, the commander of the officials presented the Hebrews to Nebuchadnezzar.  Upon inspection Nebuchadnezzarfound that in every matter of wisdom and understanding about which the king consulted them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and conjurers who were in all his realm. (v.20)

Because we often feel societal pressures to conform, I am convinced in so many ways we accept conventional wisdom as normal or correct, and further muddy the waters to the point we make it nearly impossible to differentiate between God’s blessings and the delicacies of the world.

Though happiness is fleeting if not altogether illusive, I have found in my own life the times in which I have chosen the water and vegetables of obedience to not only to hold a greater depth of joy, but a richness of life which is available by no other means.  

…He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed… Luke 4:18

   I have a friend who has fallen on rough times.  His wife is suffering from a rare sickness which required the family to move to an arid climate.  The condition has also only allowed the husband to work part time in order to help care for his family, and created many other lingering hardships, including the loss of their house.

   Obviously his situation is difficult in many ways, financially, emotionally, professionally. It is robbing him of rest, and creating more questions than answers, but through it all he, like Job, is still able to profess a faith and trust in God.  His witness and that of his family’s is truly amazing, as they testify to the love and faithfulness of God even during this dark and desperate time.

   Unfortunately there are some in the community of faith who somehow believe this beautiful family’s suffering is a result of some hidden or unconfessed sin.  This attitude of false condemnation not only further exasperates the already difficult situation for the family, but also serves to justify a lack of compassion by those who espouse this wrong assumption. 

   I also once heard someone else say they were afraid to ask for prayer for their sick daughter because they were afraid others in their church might think this sickness was a punishment for a secret sin. So what does scripture have to say about this?

   In John 9:1-12 we read about a man who was blind from birth, the disciples asked Jesus: Who sinned to cause this blindness, the man or his parents?  Jesus reply: “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.  As long as it is day, we must do the work of Him who sent me.  Night is coming, when no one can work.”

What is the work of God?  To release the oppressed; to serve those in need; simply put, to love God and love people! 

The word of God should motivate us not to attitudes of idle condemnation, but to acts of service and compassion.